Wednesday, 26 March 2014

How some scientists spend their time

Three recent piece of "research":
1. One has concluded that the reason for the menopause is that if women continued having children for the rest of their lives, then their grandchildren would have to compete with these new babies for food. Did anybody bother to ask a woman before wasting their time on this rubbish? Have any of them tried running after a toddler all day after, say, the age of about 55, or coping with those endless broken nights? Did it not occur to them that women have to live long enough to see their children out of the nest (men, it would seem, do not)? If we women carried  on breeding for ever, there would be octogenarians running in the mothers' race on sports day, and breaking their hips.
 
2. The reason brides (apparently) put on an average of five pounds after their weddings is still not conclusively proved. Well, here I (or again, any woman) can help. You know that ever-so-slim dress the bride wore at the last wedding you  went to? Did you honestly think she was always that shape? Of course she wasn't. Brides put on weight after their weddings because they no longer have to fit into their frock. Guys, why didn't you ask a bride? It would have saved you  a lot of time.

3. Women apparently reach their sexual peak at 31. Really? How do the researchers know? Can anyone reading this identify the age at which they reached (or hope to reach) their sexual peak? What is a sexual peak, anyway? I can barely remember being 31, never mind sexual peaks.

4. (This morning's Times) Goats are intelligent.

And we're supposed to be in the middle of a recession.

19 comments:

  1. The scientists should have asked a ghost. I apologise I meant goat.

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  2. Tracey Emin's bed has suddenly begun to look more interesting.

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    1. Looks drop dead gorgeous to me but you have to accept I have leanings of a carnal nature towards her..She is far better looking and has more marketing expertise than either of us. She can do no wrong I am in love with the lass.

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    2. Adrian I am lost for words. But I am sure she could tart up your van and sell it for millions!

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  3. Don't you just love it! Has anyone thought to wonder at what age a goat reaches it's sexual peak?

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    1. Wendy, I suspect that goats are permanently sexually peaked. They have that look.

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  4. At one point I was going to cut out all the contradictory articles I found that stated facts about eating and drinking various foods. And then I thought, why bother? Who funds all these stupid surveys anyway?

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  5. Did anyone bother to check the average weight the guys put on?

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    1. Good point, DT. Perhaps you should ask a goat?

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  6. They obviously don't have enough real problems to keep them occupied.

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    1. I think you're probably right, Rosemary.

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  7. How do I get funding to see if eating chocolate helps in the writing of stories? (Even harder might be the obtaining of a non chocolate eating control subject)

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  8. Maybe the goats are in charge. Had you thought of that? They will be a damn sight cheaper than people.

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  9. Good idea. Lets hear it for the goats.

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  10. There is a wonderful book entitled "The Drunken Goldfish" which I would recommend you peruse Frances. I think you might enjoy it.

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