John loves to order things he's read up about. He reads a lot of papers and periodicals, and when he reads about a must-have, he, well, must have it. He has various things he doesn't use, like a horrible hatchet thing he bought years ago to break up chicken wings to make stock. He has never, to my knowledge, made stock. He sent away for sausages - expensive sausages - which were nice, but no better than our local ones. And a very expensive thing which is supposed to connect our computers and back things up, but which doestn't work.
His latest purchase is a kitchen knife. This is used, he tells me. by the best chefs. Indispensible. This knife is very large, and very, very sharp. And (and this is the point of this post) every time I use it (yes. I am allowed to. "I see you've used The Knife" he says smugly, each time he notices), I cut myself. I just have to touch the damn thing, and I bleed.
It happened again this morning. In a rare domestic moment, I decided to make soup for lunch (I'm in waiting-for-Agent's reply mode, so need to keep myself occupied). And I used the knife. And I cut myself. Twice. And we're out of the right kind of plasters, so I'm bleeding all over the place, and into the soup. This thing should come with a health warning and a large first aid kit. But I shall continue to use it. Because it's very, very sharp.
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Just imagine how much more dangerous it would be if it were dull...
ReplyDeleteD'you think? I'm not so sure, Nevets.
ReplyDeletelol Maybe that's an Americanism. We have this saying over here, "It's the dull knife that's most dangerous."
ReplyDeleteThe idea is that people press harder with a dull knife and then get careless and lose control. and so end up stabbing themselves.
There's some sense to it, but the saying is so silly on the face of it for reasons your story amply demonstrates, that we sometimes enjoy mocking our own folk wisdom.
Yikes! I hope the Agent gets back to you soon or you may have no fingers left!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Alis - so do I! I HATE this waiting! I assume you haven't heard yet, either?
ReplyDeleteFirst you get aches and bumps from falling off your horse and now you've added flesh wounds to your injuries! I would stick to packet soup.
ReplyDeleteMy advice - hide his magazines.
Keith - even if I did that, The Knife would still be lurking like a shark in the washing-up water. It's caught me like that before.
ReplyDeleteNo, Frances, nothing yet. But I've had a busy week with one thing and another so I've managed to put it out of my mind for the most part.
ReplyDeleteThere should be some sort of gadget that reminds agents and publishers how long they've had your book - a bit like the speaking clock, "At the third stroke...." John could send one of these devices with each manuscript. Then again, it could be quite tempting to combine that idea with the sharp knife... hmm, maybe I'm getting carried away.
ReplyDeleteGood idea, Dee! (I've just found John tryng to cut up chicken with his knife with the special plastic sheath still on it. It didn't work, of course, but at least he couldn't cut himself.)
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