Christmas calories

Yep. That's right. All those extra calories we're supposed to consume over the festive season. And to help us control our urges, The Times today gives lots of helpful hints. For example, dark chocolate isn't so bad, so if you're soooo tempted by the office chocolates, keep a bar of it handy in your desk drawer "to nibble on" instead. And eschew the office mince pie, because it's got shedloads of calories; just don't even glance in its direction. Move your desk and face the wall if necessary. Helpful, eh? And if you're at a party where there are canapes, heaven help you, for those are FULL of calories. The Times helpfully tells us just how full, and how to avoid them. And if you're tempted by one of those tiny little Yorkshre puddings with beef in them, well, just peel off the pudding and eat the beef. Voila! Who would have thought of that? As for drink, well, we won't even touch on the calorific evils of alcohol.

Feeling festive now, are you? I've never really got this don't-eat-too-much-at-Christmas thing, because while personally I don't, I really can't see any reason why those who want to shouldn't. After all, while it may feel as though Christmas lasts for ever, we all know that it doesn't, and no-one is going to grow obese in a week. And if by any chance they do, there will be an equally helpful article in the new year on how to get slim again.

You read it first here.

Nanny comes to dinner

Apparently there is a move afoot to make restaurants put the calorie content beside all the dishes on their menus. Isn't that a great idea? Just when you thought you had escaped from your diet for an evening, there it will be, lurking among the prawn cocktails and the garlic mushrooms. There will no doubt be a choice of fat soup (500 calories) or thin soup (5 calories). You will be able to choose from plain steak (250 calories), steak with jus (300 calories), steak with jus and broccoli (305 calories), or steak and chips (5000 calories). There. Simple, isn't it?

And the puddings. Oh, the puddings! There we'll all be, with our little calorie counters, totting up what we've eaten so far, ditching the bread and butter pudding in favour of the sorbet, because we overdid it with that creamy peppercorn sauce.

I can't wait. Can you?