"50" entrepreneurial ideas

I'll never make a fortune out of writing, and although I haven't read That Book, I have to admire anyone who can drum up that kind of success.

Sitting here, trying to recover from my injuries (sitting is not easy, given the location of The Bruise), I mused on the matter of making lots of money, and came up with the following:
1. A lighting shop: Fifty Shades
2. A kitchen shop: Fifty Blades
3. A brothel: Fifty Maids
4. Its sister company (cleaning consortium): Nifty Maids
5. An arboretum: Fifty Glades

What do you think? Any other ideas?

Magpie 128

Said the dog to the man,
"Can we go for a walk?"
Said the man to the dog,
"I'm too busy. I can't.
I must clean up that wall -
Someone's written in chalk."
Said the dog (in a huff),
"Time you watered that plant!"



With thanks to Tess at Magpie Tales for the picture

I said it could never sleep on our bed...

It is not allowed on the bed. It's never been allowed on the bed. People let their cats, dogs, and sometimes babies sleep with them, but never me. I've always stood (lain?) firm. It lives downstairs. That's where it belongs. Downstairs. I'm a woman of my word. Right?

But there it was, sitting there, pleading. "You've had a nasty accident", it said. "You need me. You know you do. What with all the time you're spending up there. Lying down on your bed, moaning about the pain."

So I gave in. It's upstairs on the bed with me right now, helping me write this.

My lovely iPad.

Olympic opening ceremony....hmmm...

I am not particularly interested in sport, but I am a patriot. I love my country, am a great admirer of the Queen, queue patiently and grumble about the weather. That makes me a true Brit, right?

But. Am I the only person to have been utterly bewildered by last night's opening ceremony? It seemed to me a hotchpotch of maypoles and grassy banks and dancing nurses and ancient pop songs and...Well, you get my drift. I - and husband - were confused and very disappointed.

And if we didn't understand it, what on earth did did the billions watching it worldwide make of it? Can anyone offer explanations?

A short story to celebrate the Olympics

A man sees another man walking down the road carrying a long pole.
First man: Are you a pole vaulter?
Second man: No. I am a German. How did you know my name was Walter?

Fifty shades of purple...

...is the bruise on my back (well, more bottom, really, but back sounds better).

Titch (who is on the mend and allowed to walk and trot. This isn't always strictly adhered to) and I have had two horrible accidents this week

No.1: We suddenly came across thick brambles in a very narrow lane, and got caught up in them. He was frightened and wanted to career onwards, in which case we would have been shredded. As it was, I just managed to turn him round and go back the way we came, and only I was shredded. Okay. Badly scratched, then. There was a lot of blood, and we were both upset.

No.2: Next day, off we set again. Lovely day, sun shining, both of us cheerful. Suddenly a deer appeared, and Titch leapt in the air. So did I. Sadly, we parted company in mid-air and I landed on my back and hip. On concrete. Titch made off homewards and I lay on the ground wondering whether I'd been killed, as you do. Couldn't get signal on phone. Meanwhile, Titch reappeared to see what had happened to me (aaaaaaah!). "What are you doing down there?" he asked. I tried to explain. But he made his apologies and cantered off, muttering something about lunch time, and he was going home even if I wasn't.

To cut a long story short, I had a nice little journey in an ambulance and a night in hospital and Titch is okay. I'm very sore, can hardly walk, and have an amazing bruise (I have a picture of it, and will post it if you promise to buy my book). I shall also miss my lovely niece's wedding on Saturday.

So far, it has not been a good week.

E-mail of the day

This is one of those "funny" emails that we can all have too many of, but I did like this one, which purports to be true (though it could do without the comment at the bottom). You will have to click on it as it has come out very small!