The dangers of medication

You know those terrifying lists of side effects you get with any packet of pills? The ones that begin with skin rashes, and proceed via headaches, nausea, convulsions etc. towards the eventual demise of the patient?

Well, yesterday I purchased some lozenges for a sore throat.Enclosed, was a piece of paper, closely written on both sides, with all the necessary (?) instructions. Admittedly, the list of side-effects wasn't as comprehensive as some, but still, it was there. Plus an injunction to contact your doctor or pharmacist "if anything unusual happens".

I like this. I like the idea of phoning the doctor or pharmacist, and informing him/her that there is a strange man rifling through my dustbin, or what could be a UFO floating above the house. It sounds like fun. There is also the instruction not to take two of these lozenges at once, if I should forget to take one(??), and a handy descripton of the lozenges : "a red circular lozenge". Yes. I can see that. Red, certainly. Circular, indeed. Not sure why I need this, unless I  keep the instructions but lose the lozenges, in which case I can scour the house for red, circular objects. Could be handy, I suppose.

I know pharmaceutical companies have to cover their backs, but do they have to use quite so much paperwork with which to do it?

My new bestseller

Actually, my first bestseller, but no matter. This one can't fail.

First of all, my name. I have settled on Randy Trollope (I know there are already two, but you can't have too many Trollopes).

Book title: Fifty Glades for Fay.

This is the (very) erotic tale of a very randy (ha) wood-nymph, who has an affair with an equally randy centaur. They start of with a little foreplay; beatings and ticklings with twigs; that kind of thing. But they rapidly move towards the heavy stuff, so as not to bore the reader.

One of the "glades" is full of instruments of delighful S&M torture, and they make full use of these. They then move on through a succession of ever more exciting/sexy Glades, until they reach The Last Glade; a huge bed of moss and lichen (romantic, eh?). Here, they really get going, He adorns her**** with leaves and flowers, and she does the same to his *******. Then they rub ******s and insert twigs (these two are into twigs) into each other's *******s, and daub their *****s with mud and fircones. She screams. He groans. Ecstasy for both protagonists.

 But hold on. Do we hear the sound of hoofbeats?

Enter the anti-hero; a naked wizard (you have to have a wizard in the best of bestsellers), on horseback (the horse is my one indulgence),  with the biggest ***** Fay has ever seen, and his wand pointed directly towards her *****.  She gasps, and  suddenly, disaster! Because the wizard ....

But you'll have to read the book to find out what happens next..

What do you think?

Death row....again

Tomorrow, Cleve Foster, convicted of a murder of which he still maintains his innocence, is set to  face Texas's " death chamber" for the fourth time. On the three previous occasions, he's been given a last-minute stay of execution. Three times before , he has been taken on the hour long journey from
death row, and twice he even had time to be served his "last meal", before the  news came through that the execution was to be halted.

The US likes to believe that it does not carry out "cruel and unusual punishments". I rest my case.

PS Correpondents are still desperately needed for death row inmates (in Texas, the inmates are kept in solitary confinement ALL THE TIME). Please think about it.

Magpie 136

A tabloid newspaper holds an editorial meeting to select an image for its front page

That could be Prince Harry in a wig
On the right. But the bottom's too big.
We can't use the duck,
And the plane is too - plain.
The whirlpool is rubbish.
It's, frankly, insane.
I've run out of ideas now. To be honest, it's
A terrible shame we've no shots of Kate's t**s.

(with thanks to Tess at Magpie Tales for the picture)

"Only 94 days to go....

....until Christmas!" cried my ecstatic granddaughter on the phone last night. "I'm sooooo excited!" And she went on to tell me all her plans, and how she was going to raise money to buy presents, and how there was only Halloween to go and then ...and then...and then...

And I started wondering when it was exactly that I stopped being soooooo excited about Christmas, and began to dread all that hype, and the ghastly catalogues, and the appalling tunes with which we are bombarded in shops,  and the desperate, miserable faces of shopppers as they scurry around buying those "gifts" which are of no use at all, but are the last resort of the desperate (odd-flavoured vinegars, with plants floating in them; useless little boxes of tiny soaps, which are of no use unless you are a very clean dwarf;  scented candles designed to make the house smell like a brothel; tiny diaries, when you've had your new one for weeks etc etc;).

For years, I "did" Christmas for the whole family, plus extras, and had nightmares about it for weeks beforehand. I remember one night, weeping because I hadn't made the mince pies, with my poor husband saying "but nobody likes mince pies!" It was fun, usually, when the kids were small (opening stockings at 4am springs to mind),  but now, things seem different, and the Christmases seem to hurtle round with increasing speed, and this year, we haven't even had a summer in between.

So, darling Phoebe, I'm sooooo glad you're excited about Christmas, and of course, I lied, and said I was, too. But actually, I'm not. Not at all. Although with you there, I know it will be fun.

Grey Men at the Top

At the head of British politics
Are David, Nick and Ed.
Oh, for some personalities,
With integrity, and qualities
Of statesmanship and leadership
Instead!

(This just to test new blogger's paragraph spacing...)

New blogger (again)

Well, it seems to have arrived again. My PC and I, for once in complete agreement, hate it. IPad, who is newer and more open-minded, seems to be awaiting the return of its jury. But we all have a problem. Spacing. This should be a new paragraph, but probably isn't, because New Blogger (at least, my version) appears to be trying to save space. So: 1. Does anyone else have this problem? 2. How do you deal with it? Apologies if this all comes out in one crowded para, but thats what keeps happening. I hate change. Sigh.