With the recent flood of sexual assault cases - ageing public figures often dragged out years after the event, and publicly pilloried - I can't help wondering how many of these accusations are true.
Before anyone jumps to the defence of the victims, let me say that I have counselled countless adults still suffereing the effects of childhood abuse. One was so horrific that when I returned home, I wept for her. I am neither heartless nor cynical. But. Could it just be the some people are jumping on a rolling bandwagon? Could this be a dangerous trend? It seems to me that soon, we will be counting the celebrities who haven't abused children or (or adults), rather than those who have. Are all these claims genuine? And how on earth can they be proved, years after the event?
I am not defending the abusers; far from it. And I know that sex abuse has always been more prevalent than most realise (at any one time, my caseload included at least one man or woman who had suffered in this way, and the effects were often devastating). But (back to my original question) what exactly does constitute sexual abuse? I was kissed inappropriately at least twice as a child, and in my teens I spent a terrifying few days staying with family friends, where the wife went away and her notoriously randy husband chased me round the kitchen table trying to fondle me (and no doubt more. I escaped and hitchhiked all the way home in a lorry).
Two questions, then. Firstly, can all these claims really be true (personally, I have no idea). And secondly what is assault? A kiss? A grope? A pat? Or does it have to be more?
Perhaps the answer lies in the effect on the victim, rather than the intent of the perpetrator. What does anyone else think?
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I will let others answer your question about what assault is, but the strangest thing happened when I read your sentence "A kiss? A grope? A pat?"
ReplyDeleteA phrase that recurs in Thomas Wolfe's book Look Homeward, Angel popped into my head: "A stone, a leaf, a door"...
Weird...?
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ReplyDeleteSorry, I clicked "publish" before I had finished, above. I said that I think it is a very difficult one. An incident like you describe could scar someone or it could build one's confidence at being able to cope with unpleasant situations. It is really hard because most young women I suspect have been pinched or groped etc. if not in the UK then in many countries abroad and one has to learn to deal with it when there isn't anyone to help. Perhaps it comes down to the age and maturity of the young person, and also whether or not they are reasonably secure, or vulnerable.
ReplyDeleteI just don't know if these celebs have been unfairly accused or not.
Jenny, you make a good point. As for the "celebs", I can't see that their guilt can ever be proved. But I hope that any unearned mud doesn't stick and wreck innocent lives.
DeleteSeveral times in the past few years, I have read about cases where the truth came out years later, with someone having been unjustly put in prison for sexual abuse. In some of these cases, a well-meaning social worker (or someone in a similar position) had alerted the authorities to something she assumed being a case of sexual assault, if not abuse. It transpired later that when the young "victim" was being questioned, questions were asked in such a manner to steer the child towards answers that it simply thought (and rightly so) it was expected to give.
ReplyDeleteIt is, I gather, VERY difficult to separate truth from imagination (if not outright lie) in most adults - let alone in children, especially if they are clever enough to see that and how they can manipulate adults to their benefit.
The tragic thing about someone who has unjustly been accused is that they never are entirely free of suspicion again, something always sticks.
Some very valid points, Meike.
DeleteIt is a very difficult subject to have an opinion on. I do wonder why the adults who were aware of what was going on didn't come forward at the time - that is in the case of the one in which there is no doubt. I do worry about the bandwagon thing though when it comes to so many others.
ReplyDeleteAnd you got yourself out of a very tricky situation there, Frances! x
I make light of it now, but I was pretty scared at the time. But I think I more than repaid him by disapearing! He was very worried indeed!
DeleteHi Frances, I sent you an email with my view points.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your email, Paula. It deserves a decent reply, so I shall email you tomorrow, if that's ok.
DeleteI have the same concerns, Frances. I find myself groaning, "Not another one!" as the evening news announces yet another alleged assault.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are a great many genuine cases and I wouldn't for one moment doubt the distress and harm caused to the victims, nor the necessity for their abusers to be caught and punished. The trouble is that mud sticks and even if innocent, the wrongly-accused may never shake off the stigma.
I look at the current, greed-led, trend for litigation with everything and, cynic that I am, I do wonder if child abuse claims might be the next bandwagon to be jumped on.
Thanks, Gail. Yes. The litigation thing worries me, too.
DeleteI respect you for saying out loud what many of us have been thinking. It makes me so angry that randy old goats have got away with preying on young girls for decades/ ever. On the other hand, there is a whiff of 'The Crucible' in what is happening now, which is both wearying and unsettling to see.
ReplyDeleteWhat constitutes abuse? To an extent, like racism and sexism, it is surely very subjective, being whatever makes a particular individual feel victimised or uncomfortable. But I would say that there is an absolute boundary which, if crossed, constitutes abuse: any kind of sexual attention by an adult towards a minor. It is right that randy old goats shouldn't get away with that any longer - even if their prosecution does smack of a witch-hunt.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. The whole subject seems to be a minefield, doesn't it.
DeleteI think there should be some sort of time limit for complaints. It's ridiculous that they should come forward at this late stage. It does make you wonder what constitutes abuse in some people's eyes. I know there are some really horrific cases, and I don't want to make these seem trivial.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the problems is that it's only fairly recently that people have been believed Bout their abuse. Now that it's ok to,talk about it, more and more people are coming forward. It's a huge problem for those who have to decide what are genuine offences.
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