Monday, 14 January 2013

A tale to melt the hardest heart

Mrs. Edith Habama lives in Jordan. I say lives, but she is actually dying. She's widowed and childless, and before she dies, she wants to make sure that I can use her $7 million. She doesn't know my name, or anything about me, but she takes the trouble to email me with her wishes. Aaaaah.

Various other people in equally dire circumstances want to give me huge sums of money. There is a constant trickle of these tempting offers in my in box.

I feel so fortunate. Now I shall never have to write another word.  Rejections will be things of the past. I shall be rich beyond the dreams of avarice. I might even buy a Smart car (something I hanker after because parking in Devizes is a nightmare. Of course I shall stay on in Devizes).

Dear friends, I shall try not to make all this bounty change me. Please address any begging letters to my accountant. He's snowed under at the moment, but he will let you know when he's free. Thank you.

13 comments:

  1. Wow, Frances - we are truly blessed for I too have received emails from people desperate to fill my bank account up with millions of their money. Such generosity :-) x

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    1. We must meet up to celebrate, Teresa. Your yacht or mine?

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  2. Hang on - she made me the same offer last week! I don't want my people to get into conflict with your people, Frances, but I HAVE A PRIOR CLAIM!!!

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    1. Sorry, Tim. We'll have to go to arbitration over this. I'm not a pushover, you know.

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  3. Wow that is so amazing... I just found out I have an aunt who is in hospital in Spain who needs my help, with money, of course. I didn't know I had an auntie living in Spain, but I do wonder if my writing fame is getting a bit ahead of itself as I've yet to make millions from it.:-)

    My husband had the same email, and he wrote back to them that the email they had just contacted was a 'police email' for catch these sorts of criminals. LOL ;-)

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    1. Good idea! The trouble is that none of the ones I've had will accept replies.

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  4. At one of my former employers, I used to get this kind of email, too. And I remember that once, out of sheer boredom during a particularly quiet day at work, I wrote back. The ensuing correspondence made for some interesting reading! (It was not dear Auntie Edith, though.)

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    1. No replies accepted, Meke ( see above)!

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  5. Well you get my vote for the best reaction to these offers, Frances!

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    1. Thank Rosemary! Nice fat check in the post for you!

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  6. Sadly, I think some people are actually taken in by these messages - the most vulnerable of course! I love Paula's idea (above) of a response to frighten them back. Something like :'This is an automated response. Your ISP has been recorded and fraud investigators in your country are now tracing it.'

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    1. I'd love to reply, Clare, and have tried. Sadly, my emails return at once. As do those from the banks where I have no account, the airlines from whom I've bought no tickets etc etc.....so frustrating!

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  7. Oops, sorry, I got a bit serious then. Can't think of anything silly just now to counteract that!... 8-)

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