Mrs. Edith Habama lives in Jordan. I say lives, but she is actually dying. She's widowed and childless, and before she dies, she wants to make sure that I can use her $7 million. She doesn't know my name, or anything about me, but she takes the trouble to email me with her wishes. Aaaaah.
Various other people in equally dire circumstances want to give me huge sums of money. There is a constant trickle of these tempting offers in my in box.
I feel so fortunate. Now I shall never have to write another word. Rejections will be things of the past. I shall be rich beyond the dreams of avarice. I might even buy a Smart car (something I hanker after because parking in Devizes is a nightmare. Of course I shall stay on in Devizes).
Dear friends, I shall try not to make all this bounty change me. Please address any begging letters to my accountant. He's snowed under at the moment, but he will let you know when he's free. Thank you.