One (at least) of the lovely staff where I keep my horse is going to have to go on a course to learn how to deal with clients (some government directive). They all know how to deal with clients; many of them have been doing it for years. But no matter. If you haven't been on a course, it doesn't count.
We've all been there, haven't we? I certainly have. I finally left my job as a practice nurse (something I'd been doing since the days when they were a rare breed) because they wanted me to go on a course to learn how to be .....a practice nurse.
And the courses themselves ...ah, the courses. The coffee at the start, and then the cringe-making 'getting to know you' exercise. You throw a ball at each other, merrily calling out his/ her name (I can never remember names). Or you have a little chat with your neighbour and then 'introduce them to the group' ('this is Seth from Wapping. He collects newts and wants to be an astronaut'. That kind of thing).
Then - and this is enormous fun - you divide into small groups with a large piece of paper and write down all your ideas about whatever it is you're supposed to be having ideas about (are you still with me?). Then back to the big group, where the bossiest person out of your group has volunteered to tell everyone else about those ideas, and if you're lucky, the person in charge writes them on the flip chart (every course has a flip chart. Courses keep the flip chart manufacturers in business) for the edification of the others, who have all had the same ideas anyway.
Break for lunch. If your luck's in, there may be a pub nearby.
I won't bore you further with the Afternoon Session, but at the end, we're all jolly good friends (aren't we?) , we've filled in a form to say how helpful the course has been (and lied, to be kind), and have a nice piece of paper to say we've....been on a course. Usually, however, we go home none the wiser, but resolved never, ever to go on another course.
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That takes me back Frances. Don't forget the exercise where you make a construction that can take the weight of an egg dropped from a height. I think flip charts may have moved on to white boards now, digitally projected from a lap top. Oh what fun.
ReplyDeleteI never had to do the egg thing. Probably not clever enough!
DeleteOh dear Francis I will treat practice nurses with more respect in future.
ReplyDeleteI never realised what you had to go through.
I made a point. No I made it a matter of pride to provide a urine sample that flooded over. Nasty bitch ours was. I only went to get stitches out and I told her surgeons leave their funny little knot to one side. Big vicious cow pulled the knot through.
I'm banned for giving her a slap to educate her.
PS. The surgeons knot is it like a reef knot with a couple of extra under an overs? Clever beggars they are they tie it all perfect with tweezers.
DeleteNever slap a nurse, Adrian. We have ways....
DeleteWaiters and cabin staff.....always treat with respect however gritted the teeth. I've been very fortunate with nurses (in many different ways) however practice reception staff can be another matter.
DeleteI've been on quite a few of those type of courses. I reckon the worst bits are the start where they tell you what you're going to learn and then at the end when they tell you what you've learned - and it's always just a longer version of the course title.
ReplyDeleteExactly, Patsy!
DeleteThis made me laugh. The courses for teachers are even worse, because so often the person at the front is telling us how to teach, but doing it in the most mind-numbingly tedious way. And demonstrating how not to use Powerpoint. Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteIf its tedium you want, try a speed awareness course, Fran. To get on one, you just have to drive at 37 mph in a built up area. Easy.
DeleteThank goodness printers didn't have to take those courses. Mind you, we are a dying breed now with computerization but, dying or not, we didn't have to sit through mind-numbing days like that.
ReplyDeleteK
Lucky you, Kay!
DeleteFrances, that was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't quite like that during my time at IBM, what it was very much like that during my time at AT&T.
I had almost succeeded in forgetting all about it.
Sorry to bring back harrowing memories. No harm meant!
DeleteDuring my time in sales, I've been to a few events that were not really courses, but "kick-off meetings" to start the sales year with a boost to our (the sales people's) motivation.
ReplyDeleteThey were quite similar to what you describe, except for the fact that we already knew each other and therefore did not have the "getting to know you" bit.
And although I found those pep talks and "team building" games a bit silly, I actually had fun - the hotels were usually nice, the food good and I just kept working as I'd always done after our return to the work place.
Obviously better in Germany, Meike!
DeleteAnd there's writing your ideas on different coloured post-it notes and putting them on different walls to indicate various trains of thought. I just sit there. Can't be bothered.
ReplyDeleteI went to one course on child safeguarding where a question was asked that the tutor was unable to answer. "I've only been doing this course since April," she explained. It was November. I told her what the answer should be because I've been on these courses every two years for ages. At least no ball-throwing was involved.
I think these people go on courses on how to run courses. They're all the same!
DeleteSo thankful I don't have to go on any of these now!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that, Rosemary!
DeleteFrances you really needed to be more receptive and treat these courses with a combination of more seriousness, respect and positivity (gosh that must be a word the spillchucker didn't utter as much as a murmur). Just think if you didn't go on courses like that a whole lot of people would a) not get their fees for running them; b) not get time off work to run/attend them. I could complete the alphabet but won't in case you send me on a course on commenting succinctly.
ReplyDelete