Modern manners

I've booked a window table
As its private and discreet.
That potted cactus will ensure
We're hidden from the street.
I hope you like Italian?
Oh - excuse me please, my sweet,
While I take a couple of minutes,
As I need to send a Tweet.

Now, would you lie a starter?
Just asparagus? That's all?
You sure you don't want any bread?
The portions can be small.
I came last Wednesday with the lads,
Oh boy! We had a ball!
But that reminds me, darling,
That I need to make a call.

Now, what about the main course?
What do you fancy next?
The menu's in Italian,
That's what's making you perplexed.
Do try their special pasta
If you don't, they'll be quite vexed.
Or their - oh, hang on a minute
While I just return this text.

I don't want anything  to eat
I'll take a taxi home.
I've always hated pasta
Since it made me ill in Rome.
And you'll be fine without me
After all,  you're not alone.
You've all the company you need
With your f***ing mobile phone!