Thursday 17 May 2012

Death in the kitchen

We have in our kitchen a gas boiler and a gas Aga. Both are elderly, but both work well. But. Every time one or other is serviced, we are given dire warnings of death by carbon monoxide poisoning. In fact, the last time the boiler was serviced, it was left with a Do Not Use notice attached. Although it had just been serviced. Hmmm.

Yesterday was the Aga's turn. The gas man, whom John afterwards called " Everyman's Eeyore", issued the usual warnings, and advised us to have a gas alarm fitted. We could, he told us, drop dead if there were a gas leak. John wanted one ( an alarm. Not a gas leak) I wanted to talk about it first.

Eeyore said that if we did drop dead without the alarm, he would be held responsible. Well, we couldn't have that, could we, so he duly fitted it.

Eeyore: There. And under this flap is the number to ring if it goes off.
Me: But if we hear it, and dash downstairs to find the number, we'll drop dead. You told us so.
Eeyore ( sighing): You write the number in your address book and keep it by the phone upstairs(our kitchen is in the basement).

We have no address book by the phone.

Eeyore, who appears to be a stranger to humour of any kind, continued to mumble about death by gas inhalation until his departure some two hours later. My attempts to inject any kind of levity into our dialogues failed miserably. By the time he left, we had both lost the will to live, let alone laugh.

But never mind. If we contnue to use our toxic appliances, we probably haven't got that long anyway.

15 comments:

  1. Everyman's Eyore...that is so funny.
    Now, now...just get the gas alarm fitted and sleep better at night. Just think, if you were in America, he would have made you sign something to prove he had informed you of the danger so as to avoid any lawsuits. I'm sure you know this though, right?

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    1. Eeyore fitted it, Kay. He gave us no choice!

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  2. Right. There are safety rules and precautions to think of. I agree, get a gas alarm or change the appliance with a safer one.

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    1. Fitted! As to new appliances, we can't afford them, Jeremy! But maybe if my new novel's a best seller...

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    2. By the time he left we had lost the will to live

      Why are they so many depressing people around..? Where have all the happy people gone, Frances?

      I would have felt like gas him just to make him happy :-)
      I so glad you've a sense of humour :-)

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    3. I think everyone needs one of those spiders, Paula!

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  3. You'd better finish that book prompto then Frances as we all want to keep reading your very funny blogs.

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    1. The book's out on kindle next month, Maggie. The WIP is being rather neglected...

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  4. Oh they do like to scare us, don't they? But it's reassuring you'll be okay now - as long as you have that number nearby!

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    1. The number is still on the device, Rosemary. I must write it down somewhere....

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  5. Assuming you already have a smoke alarm and a carbon monoxide detecter, you'll be fine, won't you? All those batteries to change! From time to time we wonder if a bird has hidden somewhere as random chirps are heard in the dark of night. It usually takes a few days to track down the source and remember the device on the ceiling is asking to be serviced.
    We live in a rented house. Those things are compulsory.

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  6. Oh yes! The random chirps! I'd forgotten about those. But this thing is guaranteed for 7 years, inc the battery. Aren't we lucky?

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  7. No address book near the phone? Do you know all the numbers by heart? I am not good with numbers and only know my parents' number because that has not changed since I was six years old...
    As for gas ovens and agas etc., I am quite scared of gas myself. Almost everybody I know here in Germany cooks on electric kitchen stoves, myself included. I suppose it is a question of what we are used to.

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  8. Meike, you don't know what you're missing! Gas is quick and easy, and as our new friend pointed out, offers any easy exit if you lose the will to,live. What's not to like?

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  9. Gas gives one so much more control when cooking. I have gas here in Eagleton but have to put up with electricity in NZ. My carbon monoxide alarm is mains powered (so if there's going to be a leak it can't happen when there's a power cut) and went off during a power surge a few days ago. There is no way I would phone anyone if it went off at a time when there might be a leak - no one on the other end of the phone would be able to hear me. In fact I still haven't recovered fully.

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