Wednesday, 22 May 2013

The gas man cometh

Every year, we have our ancient boiler serviced. Every year, we are warned that we could die in our kitchen from Toxic Fumes; that we have inadequate ventilation, and are At Risk. And when the boiler has been serviced, a little sign is appended to it which reads: DO NOT USE THIS APPLIANCE (??). Sometimes, they remove the door from the ancient cat flap (we have no cat) to provide ventilation and are told that if we replace it, no-one will know (nudge, wink). And then we are advised to buy a new boiler.

A nice man from the gas board came this morning to advise. He talked of flues, and neighbours, and water drainage and "the issue of products in the property". What did that mean? we asked. Gas leaks, he said. Ah. I see. And of course, if we do have a new boiler, we would have to get permission from the listed buildings people because of outside flues etc. etc. etc.

We lost the will to listen, be interested, even CARE.

We are not going to buy a new boiler. I'd prefer to die together, peacefully, in the kitchen.

(And if you've actually read all this, you deserve a medal.)

13 comments:

  1. I read all of it, and won't you reconsider? Here in the States, many die from carbon monoxide from old furnaces. Wouldn't want to lose you.

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    1. You are sweet! We're thinking about it.

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  2. Just hedge your bets with a carbon monoxide detector.

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  3. Is there a short story here, Frances? I hope you live through the fumes to tell the tale!

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    1. Thanks, Wendy. As to the short story, you know how much they hate anything that smacks of Death...But a crime novel?

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  4. A carbon monoxide detector sounds a good idea!

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  5. Can I have my medal on a sky-blue ribbon, please?
    If I were you, I don't think I'd be buying a new boiler, either.

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    1. Medal on sky blue ribbon on order, (though I thought you'd want yellow?).

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    2. I want to wear it with my yellow tops, and a sky blue ribbon looks just perfect against a yellow backdrop :-)

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    3. You are just so well colour-cordinated Meike.

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  6. I'm rather inclined in such matters to err on the side of caution. You might, after all, expire at some grossly inconvenient time. Apart from that any concentrations of carbon monoxide in the air are particularly bad for children and pregnant women (pregnant men being unknown in my experience). But then you know all that anyway.

    PS If you've had a 'dangerous appliance' notice slapped on it and you ever have to claim on your household insurance it will almost certainly be void or at least voidable.

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