Saturday, 9 November 2013

Making an exhibition of yourself. Nine easy steps.

1. Choose a Saturday morning in a busy market town. Timing is all.
2. Take your shopping trolley (I know. Geriatric equipment. But this won't work without the trolley).
3. Do lots of shopping.
4. Go to Sainsburys. Do more shopping.
5. At the self serve thingy, check out your stuff, and pack it into the trolley. Do this in a hurry (there has to be a queue building up behind you for this to work really well).
6. Stuff large bag of potatoes on top of other purchases, ensuring that the trolley is top-heavy. Fumble with your change and drop your purse.
7. Try to reach purse and grab trolley, preferably at the same time.
8. The trolley will now tip over, the purse will skitter across the floor, and if this goes really well, you will ricochet into the confectionary display, which should be small and unsteady.
9. Land heavily on your knees, arms outflung, uttering expletives (your choice), scattering packets of sweets/chocolate etc and the members of the queue.

This works. I promise. I tried it only this morning.

(Oh, and I'm feeling a bit better now. Thanks for asking.)

16 comments:

  1. Hope it wasn't your local Sainsbury's!

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    1. Of course it was. Had to be, really, L.

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  2. I was thinking.....you seem awfully familiar with how this works!:)

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    1. Practice is all, Yvonne. Just keep practising.

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  3. Hmmm... I think there is something missing, Frances. What about having the change from your (open) wallet jumping and rolling around as well? That would definitely add some fun for all the onlookers!

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    1. Good idea, Meike. I'll try to remember for next time.

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  4. Ouch. I'm afraid I would add a tenth step: cry, with many tears and much self-pity. I'm a terrible one for tears. But I can't imagine you indulging in any amount of self-pity, or at least not much.
    I hope you're feeling rather more than a bit better by now.
    K

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    1. I think the crying just might have been de trop, Kay.

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  5. Some people will do anything a) for a bit of attention and/or b) to ensure that one has a good topic for the next blog post. Oddly, Frances, you didn't strike me as the sort who would do that. It just goes to show you.

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    1. Oh GB...you have so much to learn about me.

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  6. Frances, why not do as I do? Send other half to do shopping (he's become an expert) while you sit at home and take photos of your legs.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Other Half fell and broke his hip in Sainsburys last year. So maybe we should both stay at home and photograph each other's legs...?

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  7. Sorry laughed but you painted such a great picture - and I waited until I knew you were okay!

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