Wednesday, 3 July 2013

A plea and a bargain!

For some reason, Macmillan have reduced the Kindle price of my novel, The Birds, the Bees and Other Secrets, to the rather odd price of £2.09p. But no matter. At this price, it just could be the bargain you're waiting for (they're bringing out a very expensive new paperback in August, too. I'm not sure why they're doing that, either). After all, this is less than the price of a pint of beer (never mind the pork scratchings).

Like many writers, I find advertising my books almost impossible. I've even been known to give a talk where I've been invited to speak, and sell copies of my book, and haven't been able to bring myself to get the books out of my bag.  But here goes:

Please, please buy my novel! I would offer to give you your money back if you didn't  like it, but doubt whether anyone would take me up on that...?

Anyway, here's a brief extract to give you a flavour of the novel. There's a link to buy at the bottom of this post.

The party was a success. All my mother’s parties were successes, as she didn’t hesitate to remind me. It seemed as though everyone I had ever known was packed into our house, eating and drinking and laughing, some of them smoking strange-smelling cigarettes, others making uninvited use of the bedrooms to further their new-found friendships.

Richard had brought his ukulele; Greta sang along to an old gramophone record, accompanied by Mum on the ironing board; someone I had never seen before had brought bagpipes; The Dog sat in the cupboard under the stairs and howled. The noise was indescribable.

I found Lucas sitting on the stairs drinking a pale liquid out of a bottle.

Vodka,” he explained briefly. “Want some?”

I nodded, and took the bottle from him.

It doesn’t taste of anything,” I objected.

It doesn’t have to,” Lucas grinned. “Have some more.”

I had some more, and soon discovered that Lucas was right. It didn’t matter in the least what vodka tasted like; it was the effect that mattered. Very soon I was singing along to the nearest instrument (the bagpipes, as it happened; not an easy instrument to sing along to, but as I discovered, I simply had to open my mouth and the vodka did the rest).

At half past eleven, the neighbours started to bang on the door and talk about disturbed sleep and work in the morning. Mum smiled and apologised and invited them all in, and some of them even went home to fetch more bottles to replenish our diminishing stocks.

Just think,” I said to Lucas, as we walked unsteadily towards the kitchen in search of more food. “Any of these people could be our fathers.”

So they could.”

But it Here. Please!


  1. Anyone who hasn't read, Frances' novels should do so. I would buy The Birds and the Bees' but I can't as I already have it! I loved this one and also 'Dead Ernest'. You will be missing out if you don't buy it, you really will.

  2. I'll order it at that price. If I like it I'll spread the word. If it's crap I'll remain silent.
    I only like to air the positive side of life!

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  4. I misread your first bit.....and thought that you had a new one out! Hence the removed comment!( Ages since I read Birds and Bees) I Loved the first 3, and can highly recommend them to anyone who hasn't tried them..( "Dead Ernest "is my favourite)

  5. Dear Frances,
    please do not hesitate to shamelessly use my reviews to advertise your books! If people read that those who have read them really liked them, they are generally more induced to press the "buy" button :-)
    My reviews are both on Amazon and on my blog, but of course the easiest way is to direct them from one blog to the other.

    Review of "Basic Theology":

    Review of "The Birds, the Bees...":

    Review of "Dead Ernest":

    So, folks, you've heard me: Buy Frances' books! :-) (I could make promises of eternal youth and heavenly beauty, just like most adverts somehow do, but I'll stay real this time.)

  6. Just checked, and that extra low Kindle price does not extend to (international)... Not that they're all that frightfully expensive anyway.

    1. Oh, go on, DawnTreader - you know you want to! (Please!)

    2. Which one of your books do you like best yourself, Frances?

    3. Dead Ernest was my first, and therfore close to my heart, but really I think Birds and Bees is the best. Very autobiographical, and the mother in the book is based on my own (mad) mother!

    4. I have now read all about the birds and the bees, Frances :) And there is a "sort of" review of it on my blog. (I hesitate to call it a proper book review as I think I got too muddled up in my own thoughts.)

  7. I loved The Birds, The Bees And Other Secrets and am about ready to re-read it. It has everything a good novel should have and it made me laugh and cry. Every page is a joy. x

  8. Well, I've got the real thing Frances. A lovely book to caress, a brilliant read, and I highly recommend it to everyone.

  9. I've read them all Frances. That should say something.

  10. I also definitely recommend The Birds, the Bees and Other Secrets! I'll tweet this for you, Frances.

    1. Rosemary - tweeting would be so kind. I have no idea how to tweet, and keep being told I ought to advertise my books this way. I'd be most grateful.