Magpie 205

There was a young lady called Rose,
Who played Chopin etudes with her toes.
When they asked, "why your feet?"
She replied, "you can't beat
Them, when all of your fingers are froze."

(With thanks to Tess at Magpie Tales for the photo)

The nature of grief

This is a strange time of year. Even 22 years on, I still go through the mental journey of the run-up to my husband's final illness and death. Cold weather, dark evenings, snowdrops...all these things remind me of that terrible time.

And yet we survived.

In thoses 22 years, I have learnt three things. Firstly, that grief is like labour (as in childbirth). The pain comes in crashing waves, but there are lulls in between; periods of calm, and sometimes even of optimism. At first, these waves come thick and fast; unbearable in their fierceness and their sheer physical pain. But gradually, they begin to tail off, become manageable, and while they never go, they are just a part of who I am. As for the lulls, I am convinced that it is the lulls that make grief survivable.  And while there's no baby at the end of it all, there is something like hope.

Secondly, as someone once said, over time grief turns from a wound into a scar; still there, still very much a part of me, but no longer so raw or so obvious.

Thirdly, love is love, in the present tense. You never stop loving someone who has died. I find it sad when people speak of their love in the past tense. I loved him, and I still love him. Why would I not? But my life goes on (in no small part, thanks to my wonderful second husband), and he lives on  in all of us, especially  in our children.

Brightening up a frustrating morning...

...of  missed trains, cars not starting and other delights, I found these strange road signs oddly heartening. Also, they provide an antidote to my (revolting) last post.

Warning - X-rated language

Please, someone, tell me why anyone would want to do this? (Shown to me by delightful grandson at the week-end. Thank you, Max.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpBdtFKenPA

Not for the faint-hearted

This is a link to a Guardian report of the execution by lethal injection of Dennis McGuire on 16th. January. McGuire had been on death row for 24 years. New drugs are currently beign trialled in the US, and there is much controversy about the possible inhumane nature of these drugs. This report, and the videoed interview, should leave the matter beyond doubt.

My views on the death penalty apart, I cannot comprehend how it can be possible to do this to a human being, when  I have witnessed many patients being anaesthetised in seconds, and a horse  (a larger creature, by any standards) being put down quickly and humanely, with no apparent suffering. This clip also demonstrates the devastating effect of execution on  families.


http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/22/ohio-mcguire-execution-untested-lethal-injection-inhumane

Infuriating cliches. A rant

I suppose we all use them, otherwise they wouldn't be, well, cliches. But there are two in particular which drive me mad:

1. Every parent's worst nightmare
In today's Times, there is this headline. And the nightmare? Brace, yourselves folks. Apparently every parent's worst nightmare is that their child should bite another and not apologise. Hands up all those whose child has never bitten anyone? (Okay,  you at the back; your kids are obviously perfect). And that's a nightmare (witih no apology, of course)? What's wrong with these people? Don't they realise that children are born with three weapons: food (refusal of), potty training (ditto), and teeth. Mine used all three to good effect (often without apology), rendering me powerless. They have grown up to be good, useful, funny people, wiith nice friends and good jobs (get back to yours, B) and we are all still speaking to each other. The bite marks have all healed.

2. There's nothing worse than...
This expression is used indescriminately. Apparently there's nothing worse than being late for work...going shopping and finding you've forgotten your purse...missing the bus etc etc. You know the kind of thing. But there is always something worse; from falling through ice to rescue your dog (why do people do this?) to being boiled in oil. (Anyone undergoing the second of these is entitled to say there's nothing worse than their situation, but they probably won't have time.)

Are there any cliches that annoy you?

In case you didn't notice (and why should you?)...

...I've been away. Not from home, but from the blogosphere, because my computer refused to log onto it, and I had to pay an expert to restore it. I've missed it, but saved a lot of time whch, sadly, I haven't used wisely at all. But during my enforced absence, one or two things occurred to me - as they do - as being bloggable. In no particular order:

1. The only New Year Resolution I've managed to keep: I now understand the offside rule. For years, people have been trying to explain it to me, with the help of pepper pots and cutlery strewn round the table. Now, with a jar of mango chutney as the opposition who must be in the way when the ball is passed (I know. You're already impressed, aren't you?), all is clear. Ish. If you to want to understand the offside rule, I recommend chutney.

2. There's a woman who can foretell the future by throwing asparagus in the air and seeing where it lands. I intend to try this, but using carrots. Asparagus is too expensive (and too delicious).

2. Sue Monk Kidd's new novel - The Invention of Wings - is  brilliant.

4. Taking almost new unworn clothes (which I've had too long to send back) to Oxfam isn't quite as painful as I thought it would be.

5. Taking excess books to Oxfam is.

6. The American series 24 is totally addictive. A boxed set received as a Christmas present has had us riveted for the past week.