Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Limerick competition

With a limerick, try, if you can,
To ensure the appropriate scan.
If you write it like this,
I'm afraid you will miss
The wonderful prize I'm giving for the best Limerick.

I'm puzzled at the number or people who can't write limericks that scan properly (not my erudite readers, naturally), so I'm offering a small mystery prize for the best limerick on the subject of ...writing limericks. Winner to be chosen by the readers.

No rules, no fee. I'm just trying to make sure at least some of you waste some time, too. It'll make me feel better.


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    1. That does not qualify as a limerick, I think.

    2. If it is a limerick it's much worse than one of mine and that takes some doing.

  2. I have tried to come up with a limerick
    but my mind is as stiff as a building brick
    so at least let me try
    before I start to cry
    and who knows, I may still learn the rhyming trick.

    1. You had a go, Meike, and that's the main thing. Well done!

  3. Well you have succeeded, Francis. I have just wasted a happy hour composing ridiculous limericks.

    There’s a blogger who hails from Devizes
    whose limericks never win prizes
    They don’t say very much
    for they’re all double dutch
    and the lines are of all different sizes

    1. By far the best so far, Gail. Congratulations!

  4. There was a lovely young lady called Frances
    Who is probably about to hiss
    As duffer that I am
    my limericks don't scan
    And that's the kind of thing she takes amiss.

    1. Hmmm... Interesting try, Patsy. Thank you.

    2. Don't think I can't tell what tone of voice you typed 'interesting' in!

  5. I'm afraid I'm passing on this one.

    1. Graham, I never had you down as a coward. Have a go!

    2. You were right not to have me down as a coward. I'm not. However I know my limitations and I also know that it would take me longer to attempt than the time I have available to allocate to the task.

    3. On reflection perhaps I should refer you and your readers to a book I have entitled The Lure of the Limerick. I'm not at home so I can't look at it to see the author but I do recall that (s)he says
      The limerick's an art-form complex
      Whose contents run chiefly to sex.
      It's famous for virgins
      And masculine urgin's
      And vulgar erotic effects.

      I know that doesn't address the issue that you asked us to address but I thought I'd throw it in for effect.

  6. I have tried! But always seem to fail on the last line.

    1. Frances, one of the secrets, I think (and I don't do much limerick-writing), is to think of the last line first.

  7. There was an old poet called Fry
    Whose examples I looked up to try
    I followed his rhymes
    But the filth in his lines
    Are the odes I less travel by

    There seems to be an 8,8,5,5,8 metre, but even Fry doesn't stick to this. As long as lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme, and 3 and 4 rhyme, I think you can get away with it. I like it when you set us a task Frances.

  8. The limerick raises a smile
    Because of its singular style.
    The rhythm and rhyme
    Must perfectly chime
    In order to make it worthwhile.

  9. A blogger whose real name is Bobby
    Said, "Limerick writing's my hobby.
    I don't know which is worse,
    The smell of my verse
    Or the people queued up in the lobby."

  10. A limerick writer, Nan Tucket,
    Put all of her works in a bucket.
    But next to George Harrison
    Hers paled in comparison;
    'Twould be rude to divulge where she stuck it.

    1. Even better! You're on a roll today, aren't you?

  11. Though writing a limerick is easy,
    Especially the type that are sleazy,
    It's hard to refrain
    From becoming profane
    And a struggle to keep one's tone breezy.

  12. The problem, dear reader, is textual.
    Whether to be intellectual
    And be thought a prude
    Or succumb to the lewd
    And write something thoroughly sexual.

  13. A contest with limericks? Curses!
    Composing those damnable verses
    Fried my brain to a crisp,
    "Call a doctor," I whisp-
    ered, "and two psych ward nurses."

    1. RWP, what can I say? Brilliant, all of them! If anyaone doesn't agree that you are the overall winner (not least for sheer quantity), then please let me know! But several others were very good indeed. Could I have your address, please? My email is on the right-hand side bar. Be warned - the prize will be small!

  14. What a pleasant surprise to learn this morning that I have been named the winner of your limerick contest! I do look forward to receiving your prize and will send you my address later today after I finish watching two men with big machinery remove a large maple tree from my front yard. I would say "it was nothing" but it actually was hard work and also proves that wasting time also can be a lot of fun.

    1. Always happy to encourage the wasting of time! Congratulations again.