Y is for Yellow

1. I really, really don't like men in yellow jumpers. Especially if they're golfers. There is something fey about a man in a yellow jumper; as though his mother hadn't yet got over wondering whether he was going to be a boy or a girl, and had given it him for Christmas (people who are uncertain about the genders of babies always choose yellow).

2. I look terrible in yellow. Lots of people do. It's just a bad colour for most people.

3. But - yellow is the colour of spring (together with green). I don't like out-of-season flowers in reds and oranges in the spring. Spring flowers should be yellow, like chicks.

4. People who go yellow are not well. Fact.

5. I lost at Snakes and Ladders today, against my four-year-old grandson, using a yellow counter. I cheated (that's one of the reasons I don't mind Snakes and Ladders. It's easy to cheat. Theoretically, it's a game that could go on for ever. Literally. So it needs to be stopped).

6. Someone wrote a song about yellow submarines. There are no such things.