A letter to Siberia

Dear Siberia

Apparently it's you who have kindly sent us the Weather we're currently having. Now, I'm sure it's well meant (after all, we get on with you as a country don't  we?), and it's always a pain sending things (wrapping it, queueing at the post office, wondering whether it's arrived, waiting for a thank you note etc.), so I really appreciate that. Thank you.

But. We are different from you. We are not ready for this kind of Weather. We don't have those furry hats and boots and the nice warm houses I'm sure you must have. In short, we are cold. I went riding yesterday, and I haven't been that cold since I was turfed off the school bus into a snow drift aged about twelve ( the bus has broken down, and I had to walk a couple of miles to get home).

So please, please take this Weather back. It's not that we're not grateful; we're just not ready. I've just visited an elderly neighbour (I too am an elderly neighbour, come to that), and she is cold too. We had coffee huddled round her gas fire;  me in coat, gloves, scarf and hideous but wonderful Uggs; she in an assortment of layers.

But in the course of our chat, I did come up,with a wonderful book title: Sunbathing in Siberia. What do you think? Now all I've got to do is write it. If it's published, I promise I'll dedicate it to you. Provided you take back your Weather 😰