The essential colon

Sometimes, people wonder whether colons and semi-colons are really necessary. Well, take this headline from today's paper, about the difficulties the broadcaster Clare Balding experienced when she told her grandmother she was gay:

Balding: grandma said being gay was disgusting.

Now remove the colon.

See what I mean?

Ode to the exclamation mark (dedicated to Fran)

Fran has written a brilliant sonnet bemoaning the demise of the semi-colon. So while I'm not as clever as she is, and couldn't write a sonnet to save my life, I thought I'd contribute a little verse about my own bete noir: the exclamation mark.

The semi-colon's gone, but hark!
Here comes the exclamation mark.
Unsubtle, crass (though tall and slim),
With hobnailed boots it charges in
To give us all a playful poke:
"Come on,  now! Geddit? Get the joke?!"
In notes and letters, they'll be found.
In "funny" greetings cards, they abound.
Sometimes in twos, or even threes,
To emphasise, or mock, or tease.
"Having a lovely time!" they shout,
"The wine is strong!! The sun is out!!!"
"Went paddling among the breakers
(Now Gilbert's with the undertakers!!!!!")

This, gentle reader, makes me sad,
For what do all these EMs add?
It's time we learnt, the only occasion
For the exclamation  mark, is - an exclamation.

(Apostrophe poem, anyone?)

In praise of the semi-colon

I love the semi-colon; the elegant little half-way pause, something between a comma and a full stop. I use it a lot, and would be lost without it.

This was brought home to me by a book I'm reading at the moment. It's an interesting true story, but for me,  spoilt by bad writing (this is even worse, because it's ghosted, so someone was paid to do the actual writing). While reading this book, it suddenly struck me that the writer doesn't use a single semi-colon anywhere in the book; and boy, does it need them! The sentences are either short and abrupt, or long and rambling, with only commas for pauses. And commas are not enough.

Is the use of semi-colons (and colons) taught in schools? I've no idea. But if it were given half the attention that seems to be lavished on the ubiquitous exclamation mark, then the world of writing would be a better place! (And that was an exclamation.)

I; love? punctuation!

Good punctuation, that is. But it would seem that there are still a great many people who have no idea how to go beyond the basics.

One of the most successful non-fiction books of recent years was Lynne Truss's Eats, Shoots and Leaves. But while this rode high among the bestsellers for weeks (and was a most entertaining read), I have a feeling that she was probably preaching to the converted, for incorrect use of puntuation seems to be on the increase.

My favourite punctuation mark has to be the much-neglected semi-colon. That delicate little pause, not quite a full stop, can lend elegance to writing. But I doubt whether most schoolchildren have even heard of it.

And my least favourite? Oh, it has to be the exclamation mark; worse even than the ubiquitous apostrophe. The exclamation mark is beginning to lose all its meaning; it is used for stress, to emphasise a "joke" (thus removing any humour that might have remained), and in twos and threes for...what? "We went to the beach!" "And brought a picnic!!" (So?)

Christmas round robins are full of exclamation marks. In some, every holiday, achievement, house move etc. is accompanied by an exclamation mark. Why? I have no idea. I can understand why someone's less than brilliant offspring achieving an A in physics might deserve an exclamation mark (suprise!), but otherwise, please leave it out. And (to pre-empt complaints), if I place an exclamation mark after the acknowledgement of a comment on a post, it's because it really is an exclamation, or to show that I'm not taking myself too seriously! (You see?)
.