Oh my dear, you look terrible, what have they been doing to you, I thought you might like a visit, I'll sit here on the edge of the bed if no-one minds, I bought you these, I always think they're nice and easy to eat, no pips of course, they might get stuck under your plate, oh no, you're not wearing your teeth, are you, I see them in a glass on the table, now what have I got to tell you, the woman down the road, the one with the funny hair and the nose, I told you about her before, she was burgled, and you'll never guess what they took, just a necklace and a jar of Marmite, fancy that, stealing Marmite, did you ever hear anything like it, I hope you won't mind me eating just one of these, I didn't have any lunch, not even a Marmite sandwich, haha, I can't get that burglar and the Marmite out of my head, silly isn't it, I mean the necklace you can understand can't you, but not the Marmite, it's not as though he would be able to sell it or anything maybe he just liked Marmite, but then most people can afford to buy their own Marmite, oh dear you're not looking too good and you've gone very quiet, do you want me to call a nurse, or a doctor, you're not breathing and your eyes look all funny, I'll press this bell shall I, and get some help, but I do wonder how anyone could actually notice they were missing a jar of Marmite....
(I have absolutely no idea why I wrote this, but never mind. That's the nice thing about blogs. You can just go on and on and on and no-one has to read it.)
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Personally I would have left the necklace, and just half-inched the Marmite!
ReplyDeleteMarmite for me, every time, CM.
DeleteI suspect GB might have taken the Marmite, but I'm wondering why he'd want the necklace. (Surely no one will be reading this either?)
ReplyDeleteMonica, surely you don't think GB is a cross dresser. Inflammation of character that is.
DeleteI'll ask him.
DT, I think people are attracted by the title of this post rather than the content!
DeleteFrances, I actually think that the comments here reflect not only your title but the content of your story. I.e. how much esier it is to ramble on about trivial things like Marmite rather than to talk seriously about death.
DeleteNow I'm commenting in bits and pieces and don't know where best to put the pieces. But I did "get" your story (I think). I've been both in the bed (although obviously I did not die) and beside it, trying to find things to talk about.
Delete"you're not breathing and your eyes look all funny" is just the sort of thing a completely self-centred visitor would say to a dying person.
ReplyDeleteI love the things that we write for no reason at all. Out they come, without effort or (sometimes) even thought, and they're delightful.
K
Thank you, dear Kay. I think you're the only person who has "got" this post (not that there was that much to get). I should have omitted the Marmite...
DeleteI can remember being semi-conscious in a hospital after a bit of a whoopsey off a motorbike at Cadwell Park. I was airlifted out and had a vague idea that I'd made a dogs dinner of the job.
ReplyDeleteI can remember folk discussing me without asking me then they said pop the gas on and I was terrified.
They mended me but I was really frightened. Just because you look comatose or dead doesn't mean that you are.
I was grateful; if I had to do their job I'd get a bit detached. A moments panic for me whilst they discuss whether to do the lung job first or fuse two vertebrae. Fortunately I didn't hear what the anaesthetist had to say about me.
I have trouble remembering yesterday but remember that from forty years ago and I was supposed to be dead or out of it.
Adrian, you seem to be joing the select band of the Seriously Injured (GB and I are already members). But I'm glad you recovered.
DeleteIt would have to be a new unopened jar of Marmite for me to half-inch it. I hate pots with crumbs inside. Write what you want, Frances. A serial Marmite stealer, maybe.
ReplyDeleteMe too Lynne; crumbs in the Marmite should be a hanging offence!
DeleteLynne, this post is really about the boring nature of (some) hospital visitors. The Marmite was incidental. I think I lost the plot (what plot? you may well ask) half-way through....
DeleteI got soooo excited when I saw the mention of Marmite. Monica's correct, of course, I'd steal the Marmite but I'm not into wearing necklaces (that sentence is all based on a hypothetical assumption that I'd break in and steal in the first place). I was rather disappointed, though, that the story didn't allow me an opportunity to expound on the subject of Marmite, its virtues and the Antipodean charlatan products which have usurped the name (legally I have to add: I don't want anyone suing me for defamation).
ReplyDeleteOf course you can write whatever you want and go on and on if that's your desire and we don't have to read it. Therein lies the rub. For if we don't we know not what goodies may come. (Sorry Hamlet) .
GB, I wonder whether this post might have attracted different replies with a different title? Forget the Marmite. Somebody DIED!
DeleteOh I thought it was just a story. There are lessons to be learned here. 1. Never mention Marmite in a short story. 2. Never mention Marmite in a short story. 3. If you are going to kill people off in a short story don't mention Marmite.
DeleteGB, it IS just a story. And I'll try to avoid Marmite in future.
DeleteFrances, you might also want to avoid ending a story by adding "I have absolutely no idea why I wrote this"...
DeleteThat was... interesting!
ReplyDeleteI had a feeling this wouldn't be for you, Meike. Better luck next time...
DeleteHave never seen the attraction of marmite! That sounds like the beginning of a quirky short story, Frances.
ReplyDeleteRosemary, I believe it was meant to be an entire quirky short story, But it strayed somewhat. Oh well...
DeleteOn a serious (?) note Frances I wrote a short story once which ended equally abruptly although you just had to assume the end. The teacher was not impressed. She liked 'proper' endings. So she'd have liked your short story. I wonder if she'd have liked Marmite.
ReplyDeleteGB, if you still have your story, I'd love to read it. Really.
DeleteOddly enough I do have the story. Not here but in Eagleton. It's probably the only thing from my schooldays that I do have. I will make a note for when I return to Scotland.
DeleteYou can send it to me as a special guest post.
DeleteMmm, Marmite on toast. Yum.
ReplyDeletePatsy, I quite agree.
DeleteI'm not very good at visiting the sick in the hospital and I'm never sure what should be said, so I may have rambled on a bit like this poor lady.
ReplyDeleteI haven't checked in with you for a while, but when GB mentioned your Marmite story I had to pop over here.
Frances,
ReplyDeleteYou write like a female Roald Dahl, and I mean that in a good way.
(Ever read his story "Lamb To The Slaughter"?)
Marmite, Marmite Marmite.
ReplyDeleteJoking aside, I got it. The story I mean. I thought it excellent. It reminded me of a one-pager by ?Asimov that rambled on and on about someone sitting alone in the dark and thinking about this and that in a vague sort of way, then making a decision, and the last line was '... so he said "Let there be light". And there was light.'