Well, I thought I'd like to upgrade my mobile. Not due, I know, but I'm prepared to pay. But it seems I can't discuss this with a real human being.
Orange are a phone company, right? Phones enable people to speak to one another. Right? Wrong. Press this, press that, listen to the strangled tones of the recorded Orange lady (what exactly IS wrong with her throat?). So I went on line. Filled in a form, including my problem, all my details (phone numbers, address, eye colour. That kind of thing), and pinged it off. Thank you, said Orange. Now we have your details, you can phone us. And it will cost you over £1.50 per minute. More if you phone from your mobile.
More if you phone from your mobile? That's right. Even though I'm a loyal customer, and the reception is abysmal? Yep.
It's a win-win, isn't it? For Orange.
I shall now go and bang my head against a brick wall. Hard.