Thursday 1 December 2011

My recipe for swede

1. Fall over and injure left hand (this is important for the rest of this recipe).
2. Buy swede from Tesco's, which will let you have a bit of swede. Sainsbury's only stock them in one size; approximately the diameter of a human head.
3. Attemt to cut swede with small knife, then big knife, then that very sharp knife which as been known to sever a finger at a touch. No good because of injured hand and very hard swede.
4. Fetch husband. Explain about sore hand. He has a go.
5. Husband gives up.
6. Fetch hammer. Get husband to apply small hatchet to swede. Bang hatchet hard with hammer. Now we're getting somewhere.
7. Dice and cook swede.
8. Discover husband doesn't like swede anyway.

It's been that kind of day.


  1. I had to look up swede, I must admit I have not come across the word other than when it is spelled with a capital S. Thank you for letting me learn a new word today!

  2. Try mangold-wurzels next, and don't forget to let us know how you get on.

    I hope your hand's better soon!

  3. I have to make my husband chop the swede, even though he loathes it. He can't cope with watching me attack it with the knife like yours - that madly sharp sort that scares my husband just by living in the drawer.
    I am the only person in the house who likes swede, so I eat it all and feel excessively bloated afterwards.
    I do wonder why I still buy it, especially those head-size ones.
    Thank you for making me laugh so much!

  4. Thank you for reminding me I have half a swede knocking about in my vegetable box. I'll make soup before I go to work today, being very careful with the scary knife of course.

  5. Librarian, even in a recession, we aren't allowed to chop up the swedes with a capital S.

    Hand much better, thanks Jenny. Arnica is amazing (doctor son scoffs, but more fool he!).

    Joanna, try the hammer thing. It really does work!

    Enjoy your soup, Joanne. Could you use any more (swede)?

  6. I think sweded might be one of the few things that are worth buying ready prepared. If you didn't have a sore hand before trying to chop one you would do afterwards.

  7. Who thought up a vegetable that causes so much angst? We manage very well without it. It comes under the same category as pumpkin, butternut squash, aubergine and marrow - never eat them. Thanks for making me laugh too!

  8. Patsy, I shan't try again. I don't think I like swede either. I've no idea what possessed me when I bought it.

    Maggie, you are so right. Pumpkins and butternut squash are totally unnecessary (and not nice, either). In fact, butternut squash seems to be a fairly recent phenomenon, and it's everywhere now. It sounds lovely, but that's about it. Now, how about some nice frozen peas?

  9. Yeah, but do I get the husband from Tesco or Sainsburies?

  10. Depends what size of head you want him to have, Broken Biro.

  11. Maybe if I go to Tesco's I could just get a bit of one?

  12. A bit of husband? Which bit would you like?

  13. The bit than mend fences, fix wiring and do a bit of general 'servicing'